im feeling it again. damn it.

I'm really really lifeless right now. I'm losing a big part of my life. And I'm too damn selfish to let it go. I hate so many things right now. And honestly I don't like the feeling of hatred in my heart. Its really depressing. =/ I hope none of you guys would ever get into a situation where you get to be stuck in between your selfishness towards yourself & to others..You lose some and you gain some. This is what's convoluting about friendship. Is it that necessary to lose some to keep a certain balance in life? Why can't we keep all of them? Eh. I guess. I'm prolly not explaining myself fully here but yea I'm just hella emo at the moment. This year, as I graduated high school I lost a lot of people whom I thought were gonna be my friends forever. I was wrong. A lot turned into less than 5 friends I know for sure still cares about me. This goes to my work too. When it ended and we all went our separate ways, we all became distant & somehow theyjust didn't care anymore. It hurts to try not to care.It hurts to try not thinking about the people you give so much love to.It hurts to not get the same love you give to them. It hurts to let go.it hurts to pretend that you don't wanna call the person you miss the most. It hurts that people can easily replace you. It hurts that everyone seems to nto care or even make the effort to see you.It hurts that people forget what promises they have made to each other.And it hurts more when promises are broken. It hurts to lose someone. Losing the person that's basically the one you always run to when things aren't going right. It hurts to be distant from your friends. It hurts to hurt others even when it was an accident. If I write all the things that hurt me write now, this shit is going to be way too long and no one's going to read this shit.